It’s totally normal for you to feel apprehensive about anal sex if you haven’t tried it before. Perhaps you’ve already had some experience and it didn’t go so well, or it didn’t really tickle your fancy. As with any form of sex, a large percentage of it occurs in the mind. Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable for both you and your partner, but only if you are comfortable with it mentally first. So, here is some advice on how you can introduce anal into the bedroom, comfortably and without any awkwardness.
Lose the Stigma
Humankind has enjoyed anal sex since the dawn of time. There are many theories that suggest when the topic may have become ‘taboo’ in society, and for what reasons. But the reality is, both heterosexual and homosexual couples have enjoyed bum sex for thousands of years – and for the most part quite shamelessly! Any stigma around anal being dirty, shameful, or derogatory should be left at the bedroom door. It’s perfectly normal and when done right, really quite nice!
You will have heard this plenty of times before, but it is super important ladies! Lubrication, lubrication, lubrication – and then more lubrication! You can even purchase some brands of lube that have a desensitising effect to make your first time a little easier. This can also desensitise a male partner’s penis, but that may not necessarily be a bad thing for you either!
Completely Ignore Pornography
It goes without saying, pornography is not the same as real sex. The positions, the over-the-top moaning, and the aggressiveness expressed in a lot of porn movies is not an accurate reflection of sex off screen. This is especially true when it comes to anal. Watching anal sex in porn can be enough to put you off for life! So don’t use it as a guide or influence. There’s a lot more to anal, both physically and mentally than bending over and…you get the idea.
Start Small and Go Slow
Okay, so this is true on many levels. If you are planning on having anal sex with a male partner, using sex toys beforehand will help you relax and become more comfortable with the sensation. When using the toys, and when you get to the point of having anal sex, you should take it steady and real slow. When you first start out, this is a moment to make love, not to fuck.
If you are playing solo or with a female partner, you don’t want to reach for a large or girthy dildo to begin with. Intimidating sex toys will not allow you to relax and may make the experience less enjoyable or painful. Using teasing fingers and tongues can be a wicked way to stir you up into a frenzy before you move on to the toys.
An anal plug is an ideal toy to begin with, like the Gale Plug, as it will allow you to get used to the feeling of moving in and out without it being too deep. Have your partner gently tease and caress your anus with the tip of the plug, before gently and slowly inserting just a little bit at a time. The individual nodes on the Cameron Plug allow you to experiment with different girths and lengths, and it even vibrates too. You can even keep them there while you engage in other sexual activities. Again, this will make you more familiar with the sensation, and create new ones for both you and your partner.
Couples Who Shop Together, Shag Together
Whichever toy you choose to start with, choose it together. This is something you are both going to share and so you should buy it together. Your partner may feel a bit weird about visiting an adult shop with you in person, but there are plenty of online options you can search through. It’s important that you both understand what it is you want from a sex toy and to be comfortable using it, especially if this is new to either of you. They rarely come with an instruction manual, so handing it to your partner without a word may be intimidating for them.
Talk About it
Not with your parents at dinner, obviously. But talk to your partner before, after, and during. Especially during! Dirty talk is good! When you progress from anal plugs to anal dildos, or to penetrative anal sex, communication is key to enjoyment. Toys like the Lony Vibrator are on the larger side and you should make vocal what it is you like and don’t like, or how much of it you like. Don’t stop the conversation when you’re done either. Tell your partner what you liked and ask them how they felt about it, and what they liked.
Take control and focus on pleasurable exploration. This is a delicacy to be savored, not devoured.